Pastor Eric Chan

One problem with being a Christian for any period of time is that we can end up taking God’s wisdom for granted. Concepts like grace, mercy and forgiveness are sometimes thrown around so often - whether as good teaching or abstract doctrines - that we forget their vital importance in our daily lives.

The recent passing of our first prime minister’s daughter, Lee Wei Ling, and the longstanding public spat among her siblings is a good reminder for Christians. We all know that family conflicts can be complicated and the true issues are perhaps known only to the family members. Nonetheless, it brings to mind God’s instructions about forgiveness and how all of us - regardless of our talents, abilities and standing in life - have to grapple with this issue.


The importance of forgiveness

Forgiveness is not reserved for the religious. Secular researchers today recognise the importance of forgiveness for a person’s well-being. A recent study conducted across five countries by psychologist Everett Worthington found better mental and overall well-being among subjects who practiced and achieved forgiveness. Those who make the effort to forgive are often happier in relationships, physically healthier and better adjusted psychologically.

In an interview with the Washington Post, Worthington noted the implications of forgiveness on public health, stating: “Forgiveness can change relationship dynamics and prevent a lot of very costly things that can happen in society.” ¹

Forgiveness takes on a deeper importance for Christians since we are firstly a forgiven people. We are forgiven for our sin and brought into relationship with God because Christ died for us on the cross. Many Christians stop here, but this is only part of the story.

The Apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:30-32 that we are to forgive one another, “as God in Christ forgave you.” We are told to avoid grieving the Holy Spirit through our actions and attitudes toward one another. Instead of bitterness, wrath, anger and slander, which are common ways people respond to an offense or hurt, believers are to practice kindness and forgiveness toward one another.

To put it another way, our gospel does not just involve our personal forgiveness by God and the restoration of our upward relationship with Him. It also involves forgiving others and the restoration of our relationships with people. It is true that not every relationship can be restored in a fallen world, but the Christian is to have a forgiving attitude toward others. Said bluntly, there is no place for unforgiveness in the life of a Christian.

____________________________________________

Forgiveness takes on a deeper importance for Christians since we are firstly a forgiven people. 
____________________________________________

Forgive? But how about ________?

Romans 12:17-19 - Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

While forgiveness comes easily to some, others struggle with forgiveness because of grievous hurt and sin that they (or someone close to them) experienced. The early church was not ignorant of the complexities of offense and forgiveness.

Paul reminded the Roman believers that they were to live peaceably with others “so far as it depends on you.” Forgiveness does not mean that every relationship will be restored. There are some situations where the other party may not be willing or trustworthy enough for that level of reconciliation.

A wise person once noted: “Forgiveness is given, but trust is earned.” For example, it is foolish to entrust your finances to someone who has cheated you before, until they have proven themselves otherwise. Yet, the Christian can still choose to forgive the offender from the heart, without putting oneself in a vulnerable position again.

Paul also instructed them to “repay no one evil for evil” and “never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.” Some of the deepest hurts a person can face may be from people who show no remorse for their actions, even when they are made aware of the hurt they caused.

Others among us struggle with what some call “structural sin”: sin from social norms or political systems, hurt from people and institutions with influence and power, and the like. Hitler’s anti-Semitic policies during the World War II period are an example of this.

These issues are outside a normal person’s control, and one can certainly feel helpless when faced with such evil. However, the Christian can take heart in God’s promise that He will eventually judge the wicked, even if the offender is unremorseful or goes off scot-free at the present time. This allows the Christian to forgive the offender and bear no offense, while trusting God to judge the person and situation fairly and eventually.

____________________________________________

The Christian can still choose to forgive the offender from the heart, without putting oneself in a vulnerable position again.
____________________________________________

A Forgiving People

Luke 23:34-35 - And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments. 35 And the people stood by, watching, but the rulers scoffed at him, saying, “He saved others; let him save himself, if he is the Christ of God, his Chosen One!”

I had already written a draft of this pastoral reflection on forgiveness when Pastor Tim O’Connell brought up this issue toward the end of his sermon last Sunday. He reminded us that unforgiveness and bitterness are major stumbling blocks in the lives of many Christians. Pastor Leslie had also preached an entire sermon on the parable of the unforgiving servant about a month ago.

I do not know why God seems to be emphasising this issue, but it could well be that He desires us (as individuals and as a church) to deal with and receive freedom from any lingering unforgiveness, bitterness and offense in our lives.

In closing, let me encourage us to look to the cross for grace in our struggles. I have sometimes wondered if Jesus’s command in Matthew 5:44 to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” was too idealistic. But I realise that Jesus actually practiced what He preached at the cross. In Luke 23:34, He chose to forgive and to pray for those who were utterly unrepentant and unremorseful about the pain they were inflicting on Him.

In his book "Total Forgiveness," pastor R.T. Kendall made the keen observation that "Job's suffering did not end until he prayed for those "friends" who had become his thorn in the flesh" (Job 42:10). When we choose to pray for those who hurt us, we are becoming more like Jesus and it may even begin a process of healing for ourselves as well.

Will you choose to forgive and pray for those who have hurt you? This may be the start of a journey of freedom for you.

__________________________

¹ Parker-Pope, Tara. “Forgiveness Is Good for Mental Health, a New Study Shows - The Washington Post.” Washington Post. Accessed October 25, 2024. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/04/20/forgiveness-mental-health-benefits/.