My Brush With Transient Global Amnesia
“When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him… The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.”
Just last Saturday, I had a moment when I went on a limp. It had to be the most bizarre moment in my entire life.
I was conducting a church wedding. Everything was going smoothly and nicely. I was happily preaching and then in the middle of the sermon, I just stopped abruptly. My brain decided to shut down. I looked at my sermon script, but nothing in it made any sense to me at all. I could not comprehend a word of it. Then, I became confused, wondering why my script was mixed up with notes from a previous wedding sermon. I learned later that I spent about 8 long minutes standing there like a zombie going back and forth through my notes.
I came around momentarily after about 8 minutes. I resumed the sermon but repeated part of what I had said earlier as I could not remember where I had stopped. Until now, I still could not remember finishing the sermon.
After that, I went on with the solemnisation. I went through the entire process – getting the couple to exchange their marriage vows, the ring vows, declaring them husband and wife, praying for them, signing of the marriage register and giving the benediction. However, I have no recollection of any bit of it at all, even until now.
I remember sitting down beside my wife after that and asking her what had happened. Did I get the couple to do the vows and the rest of the solemnisation process? I was very worried as I could not remember a thing. I thought I had messed up. She assured me that everything went on smoothly without me missing a step. I sat there feeling extremely troubled while trying very hard to recall what had happened in the last 40 minutes.
Then, I lapsed into “unconsciousness” again while sitting there. I cannot remember the couple giving thanks to God, their families, the pastors and helpers. I cannot remember the master of ceremony getting me to give thanks for the buffet lunch, which I did. I can only remember taking photograph with the couple after that.
From then onward, everything returned to normal. I spoke to Frank, our soundman, about the whole fiasco. He assured me that the entire proceeding went on normally without a hitch. Except for that awkward eight minutes, I was completely lucid and coherent as if there was nothing wrong with me.
However, something is very wrong with me. Until now, I still cannot remember anything that happened during that 40-minute period. Apparently, I performed my tasks normally except for that eight-minute of total cognitive breakdown. This is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.
My wife took me to our family doctor, who insisted that I checked into a hospital immediately. Both my family doctor and the A&E doctors suspected that it was a case of Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA), which is a mini stroke on the memory part of the brain. This triggered a phenomenon called Transient Global Amnesia (TGA). It is a neurological disorder causing a total disruption of short-term memory. Later that evening, the neuro doctors ruled out TIA. The next morning, a senior neural doctor opined that it was more likely to be Transient Epileptic Amnesia (TEA) or another kind of mini stroke.
The doctors put me through a battery of tests. Thankfully, all the tests came out negative. There is neither any stroke nor epilepsy in the memory part of the brain. I am relieved. Thank God!
The doctors concluded that I had suffered from TGA, the cause of which was unknown. They assured me that TGA usually occurred once, and the probability of recurrence was rare.
While I am thankful that it is nothing as serious as suspected initially, it remains a frightening experience. What if it happens again? What if it happens when I am driving? I have my concerns.
I am grateful that the solemnisation went well by the grace of God. The Holy Spirit must have taken over. I cannot imagine messing up a wedding. The couple is privileged to have the Holy Spirit as their solemniser.
The Unpredictability Life
While I have never taken life for granted due to my experiences with health issues and a brush with death in the past, this chilling episode is a reminder of the unpredictability of life. One moment, I was happily preaching, and the next moment, incapacitated. We are never in complete control of our lives. Tragedy can strike at any moment without warning. Even Christians are not spared from it. I am not being pessimistic. It is the reality of life in a fallen world. While God is in control, He may choose to allow it.
We may be taken out of the equation suddenly without warning where we become limited or rendered incapable of performing certain functions. Death may knock at our doors unexpectedly as the rich man who hoarded his wealth realised a little too late. Life is transient in many senses of the word.
How Then Do We Live?
How then do I live? How then do we as Christians live?
Eat, drink and be merry? Some people might say, but that would be foolish. The answer lies at the end of the Book of Ecclesiastes. After experimenting and experiencing many aspects of life, the Teacher said, “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man (Ecclesiastes 12:13 - ESV).
In practical terms, that means to live our lives purposefully for Christ’s sake and the glory of His name. Redeem the time for the days are short and evil. Seize every opportunity to serve God and do His will. Always remember to prioritise seeking God and His righteousness. Love your family and cherish the relationships that God has given to you. Always love people with a big heart. Be magnanimous.
Surrender
Like everyone, I have encountered troubles and failures in life. However, this incident must count as the most humbling experience for me. For those forty minutes, I was helplessly incapacitated although still functioning by the grace of God. It is surreal and frightening as well as destabilising. Though it is unlikely to happen again according to the doctors, I don’t know. Frankly, I am uncertain. I just have to trust God for His mercy and grace. In a sense, life will never be the same for me again.
I feel like I come out of this unpleasant ordeal with a limp, very much like Jacob after wrestling with God. Jacob had his hip dislocated while I have my confidence dislodged and knocked out of place. Like Jacob, I have been wrestling with God on many issues in the recent months. Perhaps, there in the story of Jacob lies a lesson for me.
Warren Wiersbe wrote, “Jacob spent his life fighting God and resisting His will, but the only way to victory is through surrender. As A.W Tozer said, ‘The Lord cannot fully bless a man until He has first conquered him. God conquered Jacob by weakening him.”
Maybe, I have not surrendered enough, and the Lord is taking me to that place of brokenness and total dependency on Him.
All said and done, I take comfort in God’s word for me – “Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save” (Isaiah 46:4 - ESV).
Praise the Lord!
Pastor Leslie Chua